Magical Miracle Tour - travel blog

I knew this journey would be an inner as well as an outer one, but I did not expect it to be so intense and emotional right from the start. The first day of the tour was wonderful, Jiminy and I drove for about 3,5 hours and found a sweet little lake in the forest to sleep next to. I was amazed how well Jiminy was dealing with the travels and he roamed the forest freely at night and was back in the morning to travel on with me. Yes, it was an extra effort to take him with me, but I felt that he was adapting well and enjoyed his company.

The second day, the 20.08.26, I made a little coffee break next to the highway. When I returned to the car, it was empty and I had to realize that somehow the mechanism of the cat door had changed from closed to open - it must have been the rattling of the car during the drive. That was at 1 pm yesterday. I searched the whole area for hours, shouting his name, whistling his melody. I was absolutely exhausted. I asked everyone for help that came to my mind, and my friends and even strangers showed up for me in a beautiful way.

After asking a family if they had seen him, the two kids started looking for him on their own. I saw them peek under cars and asked them if they were looking for something, and they said: „yes, your cat!“ - that was so sweet. After a while they came to me and said they had to travel on and had to stop looking. I had phone calls with spiritual friends using their abilities to guide me where to look, others listening to me and holding space for my emotions. In the beginning I was hopeful, sure I would find him - I am always lucky and I have the frequencies that once helped me find a lost dog too - but sometimes the larger plan is one that our little will cannot fathom.

As the hours went by, my hope started to change into desperation and I searched frantically, and started to cry when the thought occured to me that I must drive on eventually and what if I do not find him in time? I am aware that challenging situations like this always have a lesson or a deeper reason why they happen, and so I started to think, hoping that if I would learn the lesson, the situation would dissolve and Jiminy would return to me.

Later in the afternoon, I went out for a new round of searching after resting for a little bit, and a dog barked at me. The thought occured to me - maybe he had smelled something? I asked the two ladies who were travelling with him if they had noticed a cat on their little walk with the dog, and they said they did not, but immediately offered to let the dog smell Jiminy’s scent and have him search. Together, the three of us went through the thick forest and followed the dog’s senses. But after at least another hour of fighting through twigs, thorns and nettles we had only found a dead deer, but no Jiminy. There was one place that the dog barked at, and also the tensor one of my new friends had indicated was where Jiminy was. So I asked the people at the pull-in if I could park on the grass next to that piece of forest in hopes that he would return in the night when it was more quiet, and they allowed it. So I spend a night there, hoping that Jiminy would return to me, knowing that I had to make a choice, which was to drive on the next day at noon.

Through this day of supportive calls, renewed hopes and helpless crying, I began to see a pattern.

Jiminy Cricket entered into my life about 5 years ago. I was not aware of it at the time, but the desire to have a cat emerged in me after I had an abortion - I unconsciously wanted a little being to take care of, and Jiminy was filling the spot that my son would have had. I poured all my motherly love into him and adored him immensely.

Such a gentle being, yet playful and so elegant. Jiminy has a talent in placing himself perfectly in any scene and I always felt like I had to take a picture of him because he looked so perfectly embedded in the composition. I was there for him when he needed me and gave him everything I could, and he was there for me when I needed him - after a big breakup he was my loyal companion and I always felt like we were just like Kiki and Gigi in Ghiblis’ „Kiki’s Delivery Service“ - a witch and her loyal companion.

His name came from the movie Pinoccio, since the character Jiminy Cricket was wearing a suit and Jiminy is a black and white gentleman looking as if he is wearing a suit.

Yet I always wondered - Jiminy Cricket is Pinoccio’s conscience, so that would make Jiminy my conscience. What is the symbolic meaning of that?

In the past week since the solar eclipse, grief about the abortion came up in me to be felt. I was still struggling with my choice and the connected guilt and shame. Even though at the time, I was not having the right support and was not ready to take care of another human being, a part of me still wanted to have this baby. But there was too much fear and the knowing that I was not ready for that responsibility and not able to give him the care he deserved. And even though I knew in my mind that the time was just not right, the partnership was not the right one and it was the better choice, there is still this longing for my son. I just miss him.

Losing Jiminy resonated with this older wound, and I started thinking about the connections. In the evening, I realized that I had done everything in my power that I could do. I had wandered around for hours shouting his name, I had asked everyone for help I could think of, I had prayed to every being I knew, I gave an offering to the spirits of the place and asked them for help. There was nothing else to do. The rest was in God’s hands. And that was when I realized that I equated not finding him again with me being a bad mother. I needed to find him because I could not bear being a bad mother and thought it was my fault that this had happened. But in truth, I did everything I could, and I could not have known that the door had opened during the drive. I was not guilty. In fact, I was doing everything I could which showed how much I cared about him, and even chose to stay the night at this place. I saw this and could release myself from judgement. And I saw the parallels to the abortion - a part of me was blaming myself for it, that I should have made a different choice. But just like now, yes, things did not went as I wanted them to go and I suffered a loss, but I did everything I could to the best of my ability. It was not my fault - I was not guilty. I cared and I knew I could not be the mother I wanted to be, and I will have my children when the time is right, when the right partner has arrived and everything aligns. This was a huge healing shift for me, a weight lifted off my shoulders that had been there for years.

Thank you, Jiminy, for this incredible healing your choice to run away has sparked in me.

My beloved friend and teacher Karen said to me that pets are with us in order to serve us, and when the service is concluded, they move on. I hope to see him again, but I don’t know what will happen. I see how well he served me - he gave me space to express my motherly feelings and care, he was supporting me when life was difficult and he helped me heal from the experience of the abortion. Even in going away, he healed me so much. He is truly a remarkable, magical cat and I hope that our paths cross again. For the next part of my journey - the magical miracle tour and my time in Ireland - I do feel that it is more suited for him to be somewhere else. But I hope from the bottom of my heart that when I am finding a place to settle down in Germany after this adventure has concluded, he will find his way to me and be my magical companion once again.